I actually don’t have any idea on what to post on my blog right now. I mean, I have some drafts saved on my desktop but I don’t know how to finish them. I feel like I am not in the mood to post anything here and I am sorry for that.
I really feel lost for quite some time now. There are so many questions in my head like what do I really want to do in my life, should I pursue this blogging career, or just stop and focus on the reality. I know I am not good at anything compared to others. I am losing confidence. Haha! Aside from that, I am having doubts on taking the board examination for Radiologic Technologists next year. I failed twice already and I am losing confidence on it too. I have plans on changing my career or getting education units because there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to work as a Radiologic Technologist anymore. I haven’t fixed my mind on that though. For now, I just don’t like it. Torn between doing what I like and doing a work related to my degree.
I have received many criticisms for the past two years. I worked at a bookstore last year and this year I worked at a hospital. Both of those job didn’t work out well. I like my job at the hospital but the working environment was not healthy at all. I had to resign to save my sanity. And to be honest, my relatives want me to work so I can give them what they want especially money. Do you experience that as well? Like your parents want you to work so you can give money to them? Asian family problems! And I didn’t receive any support from them. By the way, I still earn money even though I don’t have a job and I consider myself independent. I pay my own bills. I know getting a job will help me on my financial status but with my life, I lost a little bit of interest on it. People will tell me to work but when I already get a job, they will still judge me for having a low level position or for having a job that is not related to my degree.
Why can’t people just support me for doing what I love? Why do the people always expect too much? Why do they always have to dictate a person on what to do with their lives? Why do you have to pressure me? Is it always the money? If I work for my relatives then what about myself and my future? So what if I am unemployed at the moment? Does that make me a less human? Can’t I decide for myself? A lot of questions is messing up my mind.
2016 might not be a good year for me, just like 2015, but hope 2017 will be a good one to me. I plan to redeem myself next year and prove others that they’re wrong. I will be successful. Fighting, Elaine! Fighting! =)
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